Beyond Hope
by melantho22
Summary: A series of one-shots in Karma an Amy's relationship.
1. My Moment

Amy was a really good dancer. It was embarrassing but Karma couldn't tell her left foot from her right foot when she tried. Heck, she had enough trouble walking without tripping over her own feet most of the time. But Amy, Amy was really good. So when they stepped off the stage at homecoming to have their first dance Karma had gone from a feeling of elation to one more like dread. Amy had looked at her and smiled. Karma could tell she was finally glad to be the one feeling comfortable. The entire night Karma had been the one pulling Amy along, dragging her across the dance floor, talking enthusiastically to anyone she saw, and overall having an amazing night. Amy had gone along with it all quietly. And Karma was filed with gratitude that her best friend was willing to suck it up for her. She knew that things like this weren't exactly Amy's scene but they were absolutely hers. And like Amy had told her in the locker room the first day they decided to put on this act, she would do anything to make Karma happy. And Karma knew she was lucky because of it.

But she didn't think she really appreciated how truly fortunate she was until Amy pulled her closely on the dance floor and whispered,

"I got you."

The music began to play, and Karma froze suddenly. Don't get her wrong she loved dancing, but she loved it when it was at hers or Amy's house and it was just the two of them, or when she was in the middle of a school dance and all eyes weren't on her. She felt like the room had gone up a hundred degrees from its already heated temperature and she could feel her face burning. But Amy wrapped her arm around the small of Karma's back and pulled her in tightly. Then she began to move in that elegant, graceful way that Karma was sure only Amy knew how to do. She felt Amy's hand grip her arm tighter as she pulled her through the steps. They moved through a couple steps almost flawlessly and Karma glanced down at her feet nervous a mistake was coming up. Finding herself flustered at the foreign pattern she seemed to be moving in she tripped and would have fallen flat on her face if Amy hadn't caught her. Amy swooped her into a dip, making Karma's fall seem completely in grace, and the crowd cheered. Breathless Karma glanced up smiling at Amy who smiled reassuringly back at her.

Amy pulled her back up, and at last their shining moment was over and other couples began to crowd the dance floor. Karma didn't even notice. Her eyes remained fixed on Amy who suddenly seemed so much more important than anything else in that moment.

_God, her eyes are pretty. _

Karma just stared into them and she noticed Amy staring back softly at her. This time it was Karma who pulled Amy closer into her. Honestly she had no idea what these new emotions were that seemed to just hit her. All she knew was that right now she wanted Amy to be hers, and more than anything she wanted to be Amy's.

She wanted Amy to sweep her off her feet again, to lead her dancing for the rest of the night and then maybe for the rest of forever. She wanted to never stop staring into Amy's eyes, which she never realized seemed to be speckled with about a thousand different colors. She wanted to kiss Amy all over again like at their speech, and this time she wanted to say _whoa _for real.

Karma froze.

_She wanted what? Crap._

She stopped dancing and barely noticed the concerned look on Amy's face, too engrossed in her own thoughts.

_She wanted to kiss Amy, for real. _

Karma felt her heart beat a million times per minute.

"Karma? Are you okay?"

Karma blinked twice.

_We're just faking it!_

"Karma?"

She snapped out of it.

"Ummm yeah I'm fine. This dancing just isn't my thing."

Amy smiled,

"No one's looking at us anymore. Don't worry."

Karma wasn't looking at Amy now. She glanced around the room frantically for Liam.

_Liam. That's all I need. Two seconds with him and I swear I'll forget all about this. It was just a mistake! Got caught up in the moment! Guess we're doing a better job at faking it than I thought. _

"Karma?" Amy spoke louder

"Sorry," Karma mumbled quickly, "I should umm go find Liam. I haven't seen him all night."

"Oh." Amy's face seemed to fall.

Karma was already walking away.

"I'll be back in a second. I'm sorry, I promised him I would see him tonight, and I know he'll want to congratulate me on our win" she faked a smile as she called back to Amy.

Turning around she moved her way through the crowd until she finally spotted him talking to some friends.

"Liam!"

He turned giving her one of those smiles she absolutely adored.

"Hey, Queen Karma."

She forced a smile and then quickly grabbed his hand.

"You know, I haven't seen you all night so I think you owe me at least one dance."

He laughed,

"Of course your majesty" he gave a slight bow and she pulled him onto the dance floor.

They danced and danced and all Karma could think about was how much better Amy was. The next song came on and Liam move to pull away but she grabbed him back towards her.

"One more." she smiled

_You like him Karma. _

He smiled slightly surprised.

This time when they danced all she could think about was how much prettier Amy's eyes were.

By the next song she knew Amy's hand had felt better on her back. Liam was much stronger and yet Amy had made Karma feel much safer. With Amy, Karma had never wanted Amy's hand to leave her back. She wanted to stay Amy's forever. Liam's hand just felt wrong, and much much too low.

The fourth song was interrupted by Amy who Karma had never been more relieved and more terrified to see all at the same time. Amy barely acknowledged Liam and Karma thought she looked slightly upset. She immediately felt guilty for leaving her. But she knew Amy wouldn't complain. Amy would let her have her moment and listen as Karma talked about it excitedly for the next hour.

Her thoughts were confirmed as they were walking through the parking lot leaving the dance. Amy had asked quite softly how it went with Liam, and Karma had forced a smile and proceeded to make up all these great things about Liam which were really only true about Amy. But she was pretty sure Amy might just hate her if she told her she actually loved her. Amy would think she was selfish and manipulative for dragging her into this scheme. But how the hell was Karma to know these insane feelings would develop. Anyways, Amy didn't deserve that drama.

So once again Amy let Karma have her moment and talk and talk about it. But this time guilt crept all over and consumed Karma. And for about the millionth time tonight she wished she was a much better dancer so she could be the one to sweep Amy off her feet and say,

"_My moment was with you." _


	2. Sacrifice

She had it all planned out. She would go to Amy and beg for forgiveness, get down on her hands and knees if she had to. She would tell her a million times how sorry she was. Amy was perfect, and beautiful, and everything Karma wanted, and everything she didn't deserve. Karma was far from perfect and Amy was so far beyond it that it seemed unfair to even ask Amy to consider her pleas. In fact, the only reason Karma hadn't confessed her true feelings before now was because she felt it would be completely and utterly unfair. Who was she, the girl who ran around making out with Liam, the girl who forced Amy into her schemes, the girl who used her best friend, to confess her love? If Amy didn't hate her enough by now she would certainly hold her in contempt after the reveal. But then again, everything had changed with a few simple words.

_"You know, she really loves you."_

She had been in the middle of ranting on and on about some party she and Liam had attended when Shane had said the words so quietly she almost didn't catch them. But they were distinct as she now realized they were the words she'd been holding out to hear.

It had always been Amy.

Yet, knowing Amy loved her made it worse, not better. Shane had walked away after he spoke, his eyes dark with sadness, leaving Karma with a sense that could be related to a feeling of dread. Amy had loved her the entire time and Karma had treated her heartlessly for so long. It's not that she hadn't often felt the pangs of longing for those hazel eyes, it was simply that she had repressed those feelings a hundred times by continuously telling herself that Amy would never love her.

Amy was too pretty for a girl like Karma...too smart, too kind, too funny, too overall perfect.

Karma had lived in disbelief and through that forced herself to look for opportunities elsewhere. She didn't allow herself to feel anything but friendship towards Amy as that's all that would ever be returned to her. So Karma had lived with blinders on until words rekindled her passion.

Now here she was staring into the depths of Amy's beautifully green eyes and she just couldn't think anymore. Her planned words slipped away in the depths of Amy's beauty. Her mind had shut down. But her body remained very much alive, tingling all over with nerves and bottled-up passion. So she did the only thing she was capable of doing in that second. She leaned forward to those soft lips and...

It hit her like a force field, that golden cross that hung from Amy's neck. Karma's mind suddenly jumped back to life, remembering reality.

_"That little bitch is threatening to tell my mom I'm gay." _

Remembering the look of fear on Amy's face as she spoke those words hit her harder than anything.

She turned her face and missed Amy's lips, playing it off as if she was just going in for a hug. She can see the heartbreak in Amy's eyes and this time she doesn't down play Amy's expression as one of pure friendship. She now knows it's much more. It nearly breaks her right then and there, and she has to look away. Amy stands still her hands still gripping Karma's.

"I had the best time with Liam last night." Karma's voice sounds so whispered and broken she half wishes Amy would see right through her act.

But Amy can't and Karma knows it's because she's broken her again and again through leading her on and later crushing her heart.

Karma cries herself to sleep that night and she more than wishes she could call Amy and tell her everything she had planned and more. But if there's one thing Amy's taught her it's that even if it means sacrificing the thing you love most, your best friends happiness and protection is more than worth it.


	3. Comfort

She sits staring at the wall. Nothing is particularly fascinating about it but at this point she feels its all she can stand to look at. It would almost seem criminal to look at anything pretty. Her Gam-gam used to love pretty things. She was an avid antique collector, and left most of her antique things for Karma. Karma hadn't even looked at them since...

She shut her eyes. The wall suddenly seemed to pretty to be looking at. The deep blue reminded her of the sky. He Gam-gam had loved nature especially. She had taken Karma for countless walks on the trails near her house, pointing out the various colored leaves on the trees and the streams that ran through the woods.

A knock on the door jolted her out of her thoughts. She flipped over on her stomach, ignoring it. _How many times did she have to tell her Mom she didn't want to talk about it?_

"Karma?" a soft voice came from outside the room.

She snapped her head up, recognizing the voice immediately. Another knock came and Karma was filled with a sense of gratitude that her best friend was considerate enough not to just barge in. Sitting up and wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt she called out,

"You can come in Amy."

Amy pushed open the door and walked in.

"Hey." she said softly

Karma managed a half smile. Amy shuffled her feet looking slightly uncomfortable .

"I wasn't too sure what to bring so..." she trailed off and placed some items on the bed.

The first three seasons of New Girl, a box of chocolates, various bags of assorted candies, and two DVDs of Dance Moms.

"I'm sorry," Amy mumbled apologetically, "I know these are things more like comfort for a break-up but I had no idea what to bring."

Karma smiled softly, "Thank you Amy."

Amy smiled and sat down on the bed next to her.

"I also brought one other thing."

Karma turned and glanced down to what Amy was holding in her lap. It was a beautifully carved wooden box with a golden latch. Karma inhaled sharply and turned her head away.

"I'm sorry," Amy said for what seemed like the fifteenth time, "But you're mom said your gam-gam would have wanted you to have it. And if anyone could help you open it, it would be me."

Karma didn't look at her. She couldn't open that box, she just couldn't find it in herself. Amy would have been strong enough to, but Karma...it wasn't that she was weak she just played the chords of her emotions so strongly at times. She felt Amy's hand wrap around hers.

"If you don't want to, you don't have to. We can watch New Girl, Dance Moms, and House Hunters, and whatever other crap is on television for the rest of the day. But just know I'll be here for you if you do."

Karma turned slowly towards her.

"Promise?"

"Of course." Amy brushed her hand through Karma's soft hair.

Karma took another deep breath and fiddled with the latch. Amy gripped her hand even tighter. Karma opened the lid slowly. Inside lay pieces of beautiful antique jewelry. Two silver necklaces, one with a green stone, and the other with a dark blue, three golden differently designed rings, and two earrings. Karma looked away in that moment.

"She used to wear these all the time. They were her favorites." she spoke, her voice cracking slightly.

Amy pulled her in tightly, and a few tears made their way down Karma's cheek.

"This was a bad idea." Amy muttered.

But Karma didn't hear her. She was intent on examining the pieces in the box.

"I can't believe she wanted me to have these." she spoke softly

Amy traced her fingers over Karma's hand.

Karma blinked a couple times fighting back tears. She hurriedly closed the box.

"Can we just do something mindless now?" she asked

Amy smiled softly and nodded. Leaning over Karma she grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels. Karma lay down and grabbed a bag of the candy Amy had brought. At last Amy stopped on a channel and Karma let out a groan.

"House Hunters? Seriously? Amy this show is mind-numbingly boring."

Amy just grinned and gripped the remote tighter.

"Amy!" Karma threw a piece of the candy she had in her hand at the girl next to her.

Amy ducked her head.

"Stop! We're watching it!"

Karma practically jumped across Amy to grab the remote. Amy pulled it away and Karma ended up falling across Amy's lap. Reaching up to Amy's extended arm which held the remote she practically rolled on top of Amy. Amy laughed and tried to pull away but Karma gripped her arm even tighter. Laughing they both grappled over the remote until Karma finally pulled away, remote in hand.

"Yes!" she shouted "Dance Moms here we come!"

Amy laughed and rolled her eyes. Karma snuggled into Amy who placed her arm around her pulling her in tight. Amy kissed the top of her forehead and softly whispered in her ear,

"You're so strong Karma."

Karma glanced up into Amy's hazel eyes and intertwined her fingers with Amy's own.

"You're the best best friend anyone could ever want," she said softly and Amy's eyes seemed to light up.

It was the first time she had laughed since her Gam-gam had died, in all honesty, it might have been the first time she smiled. It spoke to the fact she already knew, Amy was the one person who fully understood her. The one who could help her face her fears, and the one who could pick her up when she was broken. She wished a hundred times over she could express how truly grateful she was and always had been to Amy. But in that particular moment all she could manage to think of was a softly spoken, "Thank you."


	4. First Kiss

Karma still remembers the first time they kissed. Now when they were doing that ridiculous fake dating act, that didn't count. It wasn't real, no matter how much either of them wanted it to be. The first time they really kissed was much different than before.

_"He's so sweet," Amy said smiling, "and cute too. I mean not everyone can pull off those hipster glasses." _

_Karma laughed softly, "So you really like him?" _

_Amy inhaled, "Yeah, I think so." _

_Karma raised her eyebrows, "You think so?" her voice was soft as if she was trying to disguise the layer of hopefulness that was laced throughout._

_Amy smiled, "I think I know." _

_And Karma felt her heart explode in her chest. _

_"He's amazing." _

_And then god Amy was talking in that beautiful soft voice and that should have been reserved for Karma and she had that look in her gorgeous hazel eyes that should have been left for Karma and every single thing she was feeling was most definitely and most certainly meant for Karma. And she couldn't take it anymore, couldn't deal with it, and couldn't hold it together. So she lost it. Wrapped her hand around Amy's waist and pulled her towards her, and smashed their lips together. _

It honest to god made Karma a little, no a lot, ashamed of how it happened. She hated the fact that their "first" kiss was like that. Rough and desperate and not at all soft and gentle like Amy deserved. But at least it was passionate, that was for sure.

_She had two seconds of bliss. Two full seconds where for once her lips were on Amy's and she didn't have to pretend that she wasn't enjoying the way Amy tasted. Her amazing, beautiful, perfect Amy who really wasn't hers anymore. But two seconds ended fast and soon enough Amy was pushing her away. _

Karma hated to think of that moment. God she had been so pathetically stupid. What on earth did she expect to happen? For Amy to wrap her arms around her torso and kiss her back until she was desperate for oxygen. That's what she had hoped, but it broke her to know it was in no way what she had expected.

_"Whoa." But Amy didn't say it the way she had that first time in the gymnasium. This time it was 'whoa' as in what the hell do you think you're doing 'whoa'. Karma just stood there stupidly, her hand still hanging limply on Karma's waist. "Karma." Amy said sorrowfully "I'm sorry." Karma's hand fell from Amy's waist."Oh god. I'm so so so sorry." Amy just stood there and looked at Karma, staring at her in disbelief. Whether or not there was a little bit of hate in there as well, Karma couldn't tell, and she certainly didn't stay long enough to examine the delicate features of Amy's face. She ran. And it destroyed her that Amy let her. There was no soft hand in hers, no voice calling after her, no sign that Amy wanted her to stay. It broke her, the silence. _So that's where she was now. Crying her eyes out alone in her room. She would have stayed forever with Amy, never would have left her side, if only Amy had let her. Why, why, why, why had she been so stupid? When Amy had loved her she had endured hours and hours of talk about Liam Booker. One sentence about Oliver and Karma had completely lost her mind. But she had always known Amy was stronger than her. It was selfish really, kissing her like that. Amy was happy with Oliver, she had seen it in her eyes, and seconds later gone and completely ruined it. Or was that selfish to think to? Was it selfish to consider that Amy was somehow affected by her kiss today? Was it hopeful? Or was it just downright depressing? A soft knock on the door to her room brought her out of her thoughts. Flipping over on her stomach she pressed her face into the mattress as if she could sink into the bed leaving all her problems."Karma?" _Amy. _She didn't move. "Karma?" Didn't respond. She didn't really know whether or not she wanted Amy here or she wanted her to go. She guessed it depended on what Amy was here for. She heard the door open. "Oh Karma." She heard Amy's voice speak softlyKarma sat up not even bothering to hide the streaks of mascara that were running down her face. Why oh why hadn't she bough waterproof? Amy sat down on the bed next to her. "Amy.." Karma whisperedAnd then both of Amy's hands were caressing Karma's cheeks and cupping her face, and one hand found its way through Karma's hair, and her lips were on Karma's and Karma couldn't breathe.

This time it anything but rough but still every bit passionate. And although it was unplanned, and they were entirely unpracticed, their lips moved as if they had done this over a thousand times before, meshing together with a perfect symmetry. And god it was everything Karma wanted and she couldn't breathe but she didn't want too because at this point Amy was a hundred times more important than oxygen. And when they finally did pull away for a desperate need of oxygen Karma felt faint and her head spun. But at this point she couldn't tell if it was from the impact Amy had on her or the lack of oxygen or the pure overwhelming sense of the situation. But this was a joke, wasn't it? Amy was kidding, or she was pitying her, or...god, she didn't know what this was. She couldn't look at Amy for fear or embarrassment or both. "Karma?"Her eyes remained downcast away from Amy's/"Karma? Look at me." Amy took her hand and cupped Karma's cheek turning her face gently so that their eyes met."Yes?" Karma whispered softlyAmy smiled, "Why did you leave?"Karma turned her eyes away again."Is this a pity thing? Because I know you didn't want me to stay."Amy gripped her hand."Don't ever say that." "What?""Don't ever somehow imply that you are anything less than what I want."Karma locked her eyes onto Amy's."You are so much more." Amy breathed out."How?" Karma spoke "How am I anything worth what you are? I forced you into some stupid act with me, I was so ignorant of your feelings, I placed you second for so long, I let you believe that I didn't love you." Amy gripped her hand even tighter.

"Karma that's why I'm here. Because I don't ever want you to face what I did. I don't ever want you to have to think for a second that I don't love you. I made so so many stupid mistakes, and spent so so long in so so much pain, and I don't ever want you to go through that."Karma was crying now.

"But why? That's what I did to you. I deserve that and I definitely don't deserve you."

Amy kissed her again softly. "Don't push me away Karma. Not again." Karma was silent. "I spent so long without you and now I know that you finally love me back. Please, please don't ever leave me again." Amy was crying too now. And there it was. There was Amy asking her to stay, doing more than that actually, begging. And Karma knew that she had screwed up so much and that there was no way in this world she could fix it but she could damn well die trying to make it right. And so she stayed with Amy. And they stayed together all night. And they knew that they had both screwed up in so many ways but they also knew that together maybe, just maybe they had the chance to make the future right. And so Karma stayed with Amy and swore to herself that she would never ever leave her.


End file.
